Tag Archives: self care

Bipolar II

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This has been a very interesting summer. I would call it a Season of Self Care for me this year. I’ve had some majorly awesome personal things happening that have taken a lot of time and energy. Mostly exciting stuff! We bought a beautiful new house, we’ve been nesting and redoing the condo, we went to Vegas for my birthday, to Chicago for Steve’s, went to visit my sister and their new baby… General life stuff. Feeling great!

However, I’ve also been taking some mental and emotional space to realign. If you read the blog (and yes, I know I’ve been negligent for a few months- sorry about that!) you know I’m living with the intent to manage my eating disorder and balance any other mental health issues as naturally as possible. Until recently, this has meant treating my depression and anxiety as they come up through the normal means- exercise, sunlight, being gentle and patient with myself, essential oils, supplements, etc.

It’s a constant experiment in what works and what doesn’t, and I keep inching toward less bad spells as I go along.

However, a few short months ago, it came to my attention that what I’m actually dealing with is much more likely to be bipolar II. I’ve been giving myself space to understand what that means and adapt how I’m treating it. It’s been incredibly eye-opening and life-changing! Continue reading →

3 Types of “To-Do” Lists that Can Help When Depression Sets In

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Let’s get real. Making a “to-do” list on a day you’re struggling with depression can be many things, but “helpful” is not usually one of them. Most days I wake up this way the feeling is so heavy I can’t even find the tiniest bit of will to fight it. Or I stare at my list of goals I made the night before and cry, knowing I’ll never complete anything, any time, anywhere, because that’s what the voice in my head is telling me.

I can’t even get in the shower, but I’m supposed to create a thoughtful DIY gift for my anniversary, plan a party, work on a script I’m writing, and make three phone calls?

Um, not happening.

Honestly, when depression sets in, I usually forget why I wanted to do any of these things in the first place. Nothing seems important. Everything feels impossible. I just want time to stop so I can hide under my covers and cry or sleep.

However, over many years of dealing with depression in the various forms in which it visits me, I’ve learned that at certain times, there are things I can do to cushion the blow. Mostly, I’ve developed tools that prevent it from hitting me so hard or so often- though these don’t always work. Once it comes, it’s generally out of my hands, since I’m not exactly “myself” during those times.

When I am able to get a small ledge to hold onto, one of the things that can help me is, believe it or not, a to-do list.

Generally, depending on where I am mentally, these lists fall into one of three categories. I’m going to share them here in case one or more can ever help anyone else when they are slipping down into that deep hole of sadness or numbness.

And please remember, sometimes the best thing to do is nothing, if that’s what you need. Sometimes we just need to stop and be as gentle as possible with ourselves. There is no shame in having to stop.

Here are the types of lists I use. These aren’t in order of “feeling best to worst” or anything like that. Depression simply hits differently sometimes.

List #1: The “Things I Know Will Make Me Feel Better and Start to Move Me Out of a Depressed State” List

This is one only accessible to me when I’m just starting to get a bit “off” or when I’ve been feeling depressed for a bit and can see the light, however dim, at the end of the tunnel. Continue reading →

Eating Disorders, Anxiety, and Facing Ourselves Honestly

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I’m taking a class on Anxiety Disorders right now, and it’s absolutely fascinating. It’s an online class from Universal Class. If you like to learn, I highly recommend checking out that site. Some libraries offer free tuition to cardholders, as I know the LA library system does, and there are hundreds of classes on a variety of topics.

Tip of the day, I guess? 🙂

Anyway, I’ve noticed that “eating disorders” is actually listed as a form of anxiety, which I would have balked at before I started recovery, but it’s amazing how true it is! Whenever I’m in a high-pressure situation for a sustained amount of time, I either want to binge or starve, depending on where my mind is at that time. Thinking of it this way, as anxiety, minimizes the problem to me in a good way.

This might not speak to everyone, but for me, it’s helping.

If I can think of my eating disorder as being in the same category as my OCD or social anxiety, then it just feels like another little annoying thing that I can overcome. It feels like something I can take a few deep breaths through, something that will wane after a few days of yoga and good sleep.  Continue reading →