Open Letter To My Husband, Who Lives With Both Me and My Depression

 

Dear S,

I should start by making two things clear. One- you are a wonderful, kind, supportive, loving man, and I hope to be married to you forever. I pinch myself when I think about how lucky I am to have found a husband like you. You set the bar very high in our relationship.

Two- I know you can’t possibly understand what it is to live with depression. I know that. You can learn about it, listen to me talk about it, read about it, study all you can. But you’ll never really know. You just can’t. You’ve come a long way when it comes to being sensitive and knowledgeable on the topic. (Remember when you used to say things like, “I understand, I felt depressed when I went through this or that”?) You simply can’t know because unless you experience it, you just won’t.

I could not be more thrilled about this, actually, because I wouldn’t wish these feelings on anyone, let alone the man I love most on this planet. My heart nearly bounces with joy knowing that you’ll never go through an episode like this. Yes, you will have times of pain, of grief, of heartache, of deep sadness. I can’t stop that. I wish I could, but that’s life.

However, I’m happy to know you won’t have to wake up some days and just want to die, even though you were perfectly happy the day before. You won’t sit down on the couch under the weight of a soul crushing sadness that leaks out through your tear ducts and literally not be able to rise up under the weight of it. You won’t lash out for no reason, after spending days feeling terrified of nothing at all, snapping because you can’t take that pain a minute longer.

You won’t lose days of your life without realizing the time has passed. You won’t know what it is to fall to the bottom of an emotional well and not even want to climb out because the light at the top doesn’t seem remotely worth it somehow. You won’t spend hours and days and weeks feeling worthless for no reason and wondering what the point of all of this is, anyway.

You won’t do that. You are as you should be, as I love seeing you. Full of life. Full of joy. You wake up each day ready to take it on. You’re a nonstop ball of energy, a source of light, an Accomplisher of All Things Necessary.  You’re an extrovert, a dad who plays on the floor with the kids, a husband who works sixty hours a week and still finds time to travel and do half the housework.

I’m in awe of you. Continue reading

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13 Not-So-Obvious Things My Husband Does That Make Our Marriage Amazing

Ok, so I’m going to totally brag for a second. Don’t worry, it’s not about me.

See, I have an awesome husband. I’m one of those women that other women are always pulling aside and saying stuff like, “Steve is SUCH a great guy! You’re so lucky!” and “If only we all had a Steve.”  Dudes are constantly joking, “Tell him to stop! He’s making the rest of us look bad!” Seriously. Nonstop.

What is it about him that inspires such sentiments? Well, it’s pretty simple. Steve is just a really great guy, all around. Great boss, great dad, great husband. Nay- amazing husband. He’s fun, easy to talk to, kind, thoughtful, generous, funny, smart, and a great listener. My sister once described him as “the most instantly welcoming person I’ve ever met.”

It’s all true. I’m a lucky girl. But really, that generic stuff only scratches the surface. I’d like to take a moment to share with you a few of the things Steve does, all the time, that take our marriage from “pretty good” to so great that women are always commenting on our social media with “#relationshipgoals” and “Does Steve have a single brother? Or have we figured out cloning technology yet….?” Continue reading