Ya know, I live an exciting life. I’ll admit it. I like it that way.
I don’t necessarily mean “exciting” in a way you might think. I’m not casually chilling on yachts with billionaires or flying private jets to exotic locations (though my vision board has grand plans for the future!) I’m not an adrenaline junkie, skydiving and bungee jumping off tall buildings. (I mean, I’ve raced really expensive cars on race tracks- but mostly during these adventures I focused on not throwing up.) Plus, I’m a huge introvert, so a lot of my nights I’m perfectly happy curled up with a book or Netflix and some popcorn, to be honest.
So, no, not exciting to some. But my life is exciting in that it’s never predictable, and it usually flies a mile a minute (with “Introvert Days” baked in for mental balance!) My husband and I are often told people are tired just thinking about our lives. We get a lot of “how do you keep up with it?” and “when do you sleep?”
(Answers: “no idea, but it’s fun!” and “husband never does, but I’m a monster if I go more than one night with less than 8 hours!”)
I’m not saying this to brag (like, at all), but actually to explain a little about this blog, and also, I guess, just where I’m at mentally lately. Because this whole “worldwide pandemic” thing… well, that’s changed an awful lot.
My life is “exciting” by design, because I love it that way. A few clarifying examples?
- As previously written about, hubby & I are long-distance. This means weekly flights, two separate homes to manage, and lots of long phone calls & mushy romantic gestures. Might be stressful for many, but it certainly keeps things exciting for us!
- My career is literally never predictable. I love it! Do I get total anxiety about always going to new places, always working with new people, always taking on another challenge? Yep! Is it worth it? Beyond worth it.
- We love to try new things and travel to new places! On multiple occasions, I’ve come home to switch my suitcase and been back on a plane in less than a day! We love to entertain and throw parties! We both have huge families! It’s exciting! Is it exhausting? Totally! But so fun and I’m so grateful!
So when I say my life is usually exciting, what I mean is, it’s the opposite of predictable and it is never dull.
But even I couldn’t have predicted the whole world flipping upside down due to a global fricking pandemic.
I was working this year! So much! I was onstage! I was making films! I was studying like crazy! I was on a roll!
And I had so much to write about in this blog!
Yay! Set life! Balancing mental health with a busy career! LA excitement! Woohoo! That’s what this blog will be!
BOOM. Jk, everything is over, go home, and please, for the love of all that is holy, stay there.
I didn’t want exciting like this guys! Even me, who will announce to the Universe when things feel a little slow, “I just need something exciting to happen!!” (Yeah, those are probably manic episodes, cool cool….) Like, whoa. Not like that! Not, like, people suffering and dying and being unemployed and freaked out… damn.
No one wants this!
Like most people, I’ve had ups and downs. Mostly it’s been a peaceful break and I’ve gotten really clear about a lot of shit in my life, so I’m lucky about that. Not everyone got an actual break from life, so while I didn’t actually want that break, I’ve been determined to be grateful and use it as wisely as possible.
A lot of crazy shit has happened. Which brings me to- the blog!
Days that I’m down or depressed or just sad because I really miss the life I’ve built and love? Don’t exactly feel like writing. Days that I’m really happy and in the moment and soaking up time with loved ones or nature or whatever? Writing doesn’t even occur to me.
Days that crazy shit is happening? I’m just dealing with that. Oof. I will be sharing more of the “crazy” events that have transpired. Definitely.
I had just settled on the angle I would approach this little blog from, and then it all went away.
No more LA hotspots or cool parties.
No more stories from set to share.
No more real time experiences surrounding mental health and making art.
Sure, I still had stuff to write about…but what was the point. What was the point of ANY OF IT?!?!
(That’s a fun example of how dramatic I can be. I know what you’re thinking….and yes, he’s a very lucky man. Verrrrrry luckyyyyyy indeed….oooohhhh, yesss….)
My blogs have changed course time and time again as I move through life phases (writing about eating disorder recovery, focusing on being happy and helping others to be happy, etc) but I really haven’t found a new direction for this one now. Not yet.
How many blog posts can be about how hard Covid times are? Or the “hidden blessings” of quarantine…or whatever? I mean, really.
But the fact is, mental health is something that needs written about and talked about and normalized and normalized and normalized all the time, especially during one of the most stressful times most people have encountered in their lifetimes.
Plus, I can still share stories about set life, just not new ones. I can still share tips (working on an awesome post about going to an audition when you aren’t at your best mental health-wise, for instance). I can still write about the immense topic of mental health. We can talk about triggers and stress and coping. We can do all of that.
Almost every single person I’ve talked to in the past four months has expressed having some anxiety, depression, or worse during this time. Add in some very real, important systemic race issues that need to be corrected and are all coming to the forefront, and it’s even harder, especially for people of color (who are already getting disproportionately sick and dying from this virus.) If ever there was a time to open up discussions about mental health, this is it.
Changing courses again. Really, to an open plan. I’m just going to write now. I’ll write for myself. I’ll write for anyone it speaks to. I hope to share stories that belong to other people, too. To increase perspectives. To provide one more safe, non-judgmental place for people to be vulnerable and real.
We all have enough perfectly curated lives presented to us on TV and, especially, social media. I want to hold space for people to be messy and imperfect and human.
So there it is- yet another new mission statement for a blog that never quite has time to be what it was meant to in this ever changing life of mine.
Eh. I’ve never been one to follow the “plan” anyway. Let’s just see what we can make, shall we?