Bipolar II

There’s-only-one-corner

This has been a very interesting summer. I would call it a Season of Self Care for me this year. I’ve had some majorly awesome personal things happening that have taken a lot of time and energy. Mostly exciting stuff! We bought a beautiful new house, we’ve been nesting and redoing the condo, we went to Vegas for my birthday, to Chicago for Steve’s, went to visit my sister and their new baby… General life stuff. Feeling great!

However, I’ve also been taking some mental and emotional space to realign. If you read the blog (and yes, I know I’ve been negligent for a few months- sorry about that!) you know I’m living with the intent to manage my eating disorder and balance any other mental health issues as naturally as possible. Until recently, this has meant treating my depression and anxiety as they come up through the normal means- exercise, sunlight, being gentle and patient with myself, essential oils, supplements, etc.

It’s a constant experiment in what works and what doesn’t, and I keep inching toward less bad spells as I go along.

However, a few short months ago, it came to my attention that what I’m actually dealing with is much more likely to be bipolar II. I’ve been giving myself space to understand what that means and adapt how I’m treating it. It’s been incredibly eye-opening and life-changing! Continue reading

Advertisements

“Overweight”

Happiness Scales

I am overweight.

That’s what the color-coded table on the wall behind the scale says. That’s what the nurse wrote down on my chart. That must be true.

After all, these are the experts. The doctors, the graphs, the numbers. They know.

I’ve never seen them do it before, maybe I never noticed. I’ve been the same weight for about a year now, give or take. After my body hoarded fat for a while as it tried to rebalance after 15 years of an eating disorder, it’s finally calmed down. It’s landed and settled. It’s a lovely place to be, because I feel happy for my body. Like it finally trusts me again.

Like it knows I’m not going to starve it anymore.

I feel amazing. But I’m overweight. That’s the word. For my height, if I weigh this number, I go into an “orange zone.” It’s not the “normal” zone. It’s over the line. I’ve gone too far. Medically, I set off an alarm.

There is no category for “underweight.” Not on the chart behind the scale. I looked. My old weight, the weight range I was before I got healthy, it isn’t even listed. It’s not worth the effort of assigning a color. I weighed myself obsessively every single day for years, and I know all the numbers. Not one of them was on that scale. Continue reading

My “Aha” Moment- Beginning Eating Disorder Recovery

 

eating-disorder

A few years ago, I read someone’s book about their eating disorder, and saw myself in the pages. I’m forever grateful for that person’s honesty and openness about their experience, because it helped me to finally begin a journey to health and freedom.

It’s now part of my mission to promote positive body image in this world, and face the issue of disordered eating head on. I don’t want anyone to spend one more second hating the body they are living in.

I believe this is a discussion worth having, and that it begins with bravely speaking our own truth. To that end, I would like to share with you a post from a previous blog, about the moment I finally accepted I had a problem and resolved to do something about it. Continue reading