March in the City of Stars

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Photo by Teo Duldulao on Unsplash

I love LA this time of year. I really do. It’s still cold (and GOD has it been raining this year) but the warm, sunny days are coming more frequently and isn’t so hot yet that you don’t appreciate them. There is something blooming about now that might be my favorite smell in the world. I’m not a flower person, I have no idea what it is. From the smell, I would guess it’s called something like “honeysuckle”.

Is there a flower person in LA reading this blog? What flower is that? It blooms like crazy every spring and makes everything smell delicious and amazing and edible.

It reminds me of when I first moved here. My first official spot in LA (after some couch crashing- sorry I filled your living room with balloons while I trained for my weird party clown job, David) was in the Hollywood Hills. The flowers that blossomed up there smelled like what heaven must smell like. Not the Christian heaven, which I always imagine smells like Pine-sol. Like…maybe a Buddhist heaven. Or whatever atheist liberal heaven is.

That can’t be the best way to explain that….but there it is.

Anyway, whenever I get a big breeze carrying that gorgeous LA spring smell, I’m totally transported back to the excitement of first moving here. I remember when getting hired as a party clown was a positive thing, back before numerous side jobs beat all the spirit out of me and I learned to hate all people. When LA was a city of dreams and famous people and possibilities. When I only had to find $500 a month for rent….in the Hollywood Hills….three houses away from Lindsay Lohan.

Ahhhh the good old days.

A few things have stayed the same. I still love the smell. I still feel LA is a city of dreams and famous people and possibilities. I will never again clown, and I literally can’t stretch my imagination to the realm of $500 rent. (Guys….can we imagine this? Did I move to LA in 1956?)

But, god, I’m still excited.

I’m not in the habit of dishing out unsolicited advice (hahaha yes I am, I’m the oldest of 6, I give out advice like it’s my job, y’all- it’s very annoying), but I’m going to give you some (more than I already do) right now, dear reader.

Live a life that gets you excited as hell. Whatever you have to do, do it. ESPECIALLY those of us that deal with depression and anxiety and every other type of mental crap. Because when SO many days are hard for no reason, shouldn’t the rest of those days be outstanding? Joyful? Shouldn’t they happen in a place or with a job or in a relationship where you can’t WAIT to get out of bed and be a part of it??

Find the thing. Find your thing. You deserve it! We all fucking deserve to have as much happiness as we can find in this brief time on the planet.

Whatever your place is, whatever your situation is, find somewhere where the flowers are always blooming for you, where the very smell in the air makes you skip down the street. God, you owe it to yourself. I don’t care if it’s a corner of your basement or a whole city. A nine to five or a dance class. A whole life upheaval or organizing that awful closet once and for all. Find it. Claim it. Proudly.

My head and my nose and my heart are so full of happy. There’s so much work to be done in the world, I know, but we may as well do it from our happy places! I, for one, will be stopping to smell the (What is it? Gerber something? Hydrangea? Is that a gardenia? Guys, help!) a lot this season.

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The Life-Changing Magic of Not Being So Hard on Yourself

Happy 2019 friends!! Hope your year has been fabulous so far. I know I feel that “brand new crisp notebook” feeling in the air- do you?

I’ve actually had a beautiful realization in the new year that has me more excited than anything else, and I have to share because it’s been pretty powerful.

If you’ve followed this or any of my other blogs, or follow me on social media, you probably know I have been in recovery for an eating disorder that I probably developed somewhere around ten or eleven years of age. I have written about the awful voice that was part of my disorder, the one that sits on your shoulder and constantly tells you you’re failing, you’re fat, you’re lazy, you’re worthless, because you’re undisciplined and unmotivated and not dieting or working out enough, and that’s why you didn’t book your last three auditions.

It was a really fun time.

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What sweet relief when I discovered, as my recovery marched along, that voice was becoming quieter. It was showing up less and less. I could actually talk to it, tell it to shut up. Eventually, it stopped coming by almost completely.

Continue reading

“Fighting” Holiday Anxiety This Year

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Photo credit: Viktor Hanacek

The holidays are a stressful time for most of us, I would wager. At least most people I know.

If you have financial trouble, nothing puts pressure on it like needing to buy a million gifts, travel, or make a time extra magical somehow for your kids. If you are far from your family or have little family, holidays will shine a spotlight right on that sore spot. Let’s say you have money- are your gifts thoughtful enough? If you spend too much, will you make them uncomfortable? Are your kids learning the right lessons about giving?

On and on, the anxious mind can spin.

Did your mother-in-law hate your turkey? Is your racist drunk uncle coming to the Christmas party where he will certainly pick a fight with you? Will your flight be canceled due to a blizzard and you’ll miss Christmas altogether?

And, for those of us who identify as introverts, my big question every year- how do I build in badly needed “me time” to the nonstop holiday celebrations?

I’ve read list after list of ideas for fighting the extra anxiety that the holidays bring. They usually include things like this:

  • “Make sure you make time for workouts! Those endorphins will help bust through the gloom and keep you feeling great!”
  • “Don’t go into debt to give gifts. Give something handmade, or just trust that being together with your family is the most important thing.”
  • “Don’t go overboard hosting! Keep dinner simple and click THIS LINK for tons of inexpensive DIY decor!”
  • “Teach your kids that giving is better than receiving. Volunteer, adopt a family in need, and encourage them to make gifts from the heart for teachers or friends.”

The brilliant “tips” go on like this, full of ways to put your mind at ease that you’re doing your very best.

None of these are bad ideas. Nothing wrong with them. But let’s get real for a second.

I’m busy. I’m even busier during the holidays. While a trip to Michaels, hours on Pinterest, and even more hours creating an “inexpensive handmade” gift might sound like a good way to save money on expensive items, swapping my credit card for a perfectly lovely present from a department store is way less stressful.

Will I make time for workouts? I hope! But, honestly, eating a vegetable or two and getting six hours of sleep might be about all the wellness I have time for some days.

Will showing up without a gift, encouraged that the “present of my presence” will be enough really make for a comfortable situation in most cases? Probably not, let’s face it.

There will likely be family drama. My jeans will likely get tighter. The kids will likely not have a perfect Hallmark Christmas full of lifelong lessons about the magic of giving and the evil that is constant consumerism. I hope to teach them gratitude, how little others have, and how fun it is to give someone a gift. Here’s hoping.

Here is my point: this year, I’m leaning in. I’m just accepting that this is going to be stressful. I’m sitting in it. I’m going to organize as best I can, and spend too much, and miss some things, and probably not work out enough. I might get high strung. I might have a meltdown. I might forget a gift until the last minute, or not get holiday cards out this year, or spend too much, or too little, or gain weight, or not get out of bed some days.

So what?

Will the world end because I didn’t wake up an hour early every day to do yoga? Will my family fall apart because we had to say “no” to some events and invites? Will my husband leave me because I didn’t create a Pinterest-worthy spread for a Christmas get-together?

Nope.

Will I regret the credit card debt come January that will save me loads of time in December?

I don’t know. Maybe.

All I know is that I can’t do it all perfectly, and I can’t do it “imperfectly” perfectly, so, it’s not going to be perfect. It’s going to be real.

Try to stay present. Spend money if needed, don’t if it’s not necessary. Give myself a break. Constantly find reasons to be grateful and notice them as often as possible. Be prepared to fail some days, totally fail. Don’t miss the magic in the very small things, if you can help it.

This is my holiday plan, and probably just a decent plan for life, too. I constantly find that the best anxiety buster is accepting anxiety. It seems to dissipate once given into.

And, failing that, there is always, always wine.

 

My Husband & I Live in Separate States- All Your Questions Answered

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The heart isn’t in the right place…but our hearts are…. #cheesy

When you’re in a long-distance relationship, people really feel for you. You get a lot of “Oooo that’s so hard.” Loads of sympathy. It’s great!

When you’re in a long-distance marriage, the questions and comments change. They range from much more curious (“How on Earth does that work?”) all the way to completely judgmental (“Do you not like being around each other?”). (Although couples who have been married for a long time often remark that a long-distance marriage is brilliant, which I love!)

So, in the spirit of sharing, and possibly saving myself some future explanations, I thought I would make a little FAQ.

Spoiler alert: YES, we really like being around each other. A whole lot. Maybe too much.

The “My Husband and I Live in Two Different States Official FAQ”!

Q: Wait, you and your husband live in two different states?!

A: Yeah.

Q: Really?

A: Well, it depends on how you look at it. I often say we both live in both places. Technically, his residence is in Michigan, and mine is in California. He spends more time in Detroit, I spend a lot more time in Los Angeles.

Q: But…why?

A: The basic reason is that we have three awesome kids from Steve’s first marriage. They are in Michigan, so we need to be in Michigan as well. His job is also mostly in Detroit, though he does work out of the LA office at times.

My home and my career are in Los Angeles, so that’s where I need to be.

Q: Oh yeah- how does that work with your jobs? Continue reading

When You Feel You’re “Missing Out” on the Bigger Things

Being the age

I dropped out of college after about two and a half years. I say “about” because I sort of just stopped showing up somewhere during my fifth semester. I wasn’t being lazy or giving up- quite the contrary. I was working several jobs to make ends meet, so when I started booking paid acting and modeling work, I didn’t have time to fit in everything. I figured I didn’t need a theatre degree for my career as an actor if I was working as an actor, so I let the need to finish school go.

(Side note- I am not advocating the idea that one should take dropping out of school lightly. However, I also don’t think anyone should finish college and get up their eyeballs in debt if it doesn’t make sense for their lives. Another blog post for another day.)

Since I left school before most people I knew at the time who were pursuing the acting life, I suddenly had this feeling that I was a little bit “ahead.” Not as a person, or an actor, definitely not in experience or financially, but just as far as time was concerned. It was like I had two “free years”, where all acting credits and experience were “bonus”, where I could slack off or not, and it didn’t matter. Continue reading

Day Designer Review: Favorite Planner Yet

New Year = New Planner.

Basically, that’s the most exciting thing about the new year to me. As December slowly melts away, I’m closer and closer to a fresh, clean planner full of dreams and promise. It’s like getting brand new school supplies, but for grownups.

Judging by the countless hours it took me to choose my new planner online, I am not the only person who feels this way. There were so many options! So many blogs dedicated to reviews! So many videos! Bright ones, serious ones, artsy ones, structured ones, planners for every taste and every need.

So how is it possible that it took me, a (self-labeled) planner expert, so long to choose the right one? I’ll tell you why- I wasn’t sure exactly what I was looking for. Last year I used the Spark Planner (now known as the Volt Planner) and I really thought it was perfect for me. Weekly and monthly goal pages, writing prompts, 30 day challenges- all this stuff I think I want to do, but, it turns out, I don’t. The planner is definitely right for some people, as evidenced by many great reviews, but for my scattered, ever shifting life, it became one more thing to do, instead of something to contain the doing. Continue reading