Tag Archives: Marriage

Do I Remember How to Do This?

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Hey, blog people. Boy, oh boy has it been a minute.

We had this whole pandemic thing, I don’t know if you heard about it. And my entire life turned upside down. Maybe yours did too? And I have to say, here I am three years later, and absolute nothing is the same.

Let’s go through the boxes:

First, my career. I had so much inertia. I was booking like crazy. I was confident AF. Then, the work disappeared. It just *poof* went away. And I spent most of my time stressed out about the whole “our democracy is falling into the hands of extremists and duped people en masse led by an insane modern day orange Caligula” and doing everything I could to stop that. In between, I took gummies and went for long, serene walks breathing fresh air. No work.

My soul was lost.

The good? I started doing some directing, and found I not only love it, but I’m pretty good at it, actually. I did my first Hollywood Fringe show, although it was virtual, but that had been on my bucket list for a while. I dedicated myself to a year of meditating daily and blogging about my experience every single day (myyearofmeditation.com if you’re interested) and it was nice to get into the habit of writing.

Ok, next? My mental health. I had a looooot of time on my hands, so I started doing that deep inner healing work that we never have (make) time for in real life. I went no contact with my mother, whom I realized likely has Borderline Personality Disorder, and learned an awful lot about BPD and the effects it can have on the children who are raised with it. That was hard. Super hard. The hardest part was the confirmation that, if I stopped existing to validate my mom and fawn over her and actually set boundaries and called out any abusive behavior, she really had no use for me anymore. She was happy to end our contact. Sucks to realize you don’t have the relationship you kept willing to be there, pretending you had. But going NC felt like a huge weight and responsibility lifted.

Parenting your own parents isn’t the way things are supposed to go.

Continue reading →

My Husband & I Live in Separate States- All Your Questions Answered

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The heart isn’t in the right place…but our hearts are…. #cheesy

When you’re in a long-distance relationship, people really feel for you. You get a lot of “Oooo that’s so hard.” Loads of sympathy. It’s great!

When you’re in a long-distance marriage, the questions and comments change. They range from much more curious (“How on Earth does that work?”) all the way to completely judgmental (“Do you not like being around each other?”). (Although couples who have been married for a long time often remark that a long-distance marriage is brilliant, which I love!)

So, in the spirit of sharing, and possibly saving myself some future explanations, I thought I would make a little FAQ.

Spoiler alert: YES, we really like being around each other. A whole lot. Maybe too much.

The “My Husband and I Live in Two Different States Official FAQ”!

Q: Wait, you and your husband live in two different states?!

A: Yeah.

Q: Really?

A: Well, it depends on how you look at it. I often say we both live in both places. Technically, his residence is in Michigan, and mine is in California. He spends more time in Detroit, I spend a lot more time in Los Angeles.

Q: But…why?

A: The basic reason is that we have three awesome kids from Steve’s first marriage. They are in Michigan, so we need to be in Michigan as well. His job is also mostly in Detroit, though he does work out of the LA office at times.

My home and my career are in Los Angeles, so that’s where I need to be.

Q: Oh yeah- how does that work with your jobs? Continue reading →

Open Letter To My Husband, Who Lives With Both Me and My Depression

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Dear S,

I should start by making two things clear. One- you are a wonderful, kind, supportive, loving man, and I hope to be married to you forever. I pinch myself when I think about how lucky I am to have found a husband like you. You set the bar very high in our relationship.

Two- I know you can’t possibly understand what it is to live with depression. I know that. You can learn about it, listen to me talk about it, read about it, study all you can. But you’ll never really know. You just can’t. You’ve come a long way when it comes to being sensitive and knowledgeable on the topic. (Remember when you used to say things like, “I understand, I felt depressed when I went through this or that”?) You simply can’t know because unless you experience it, you just won’t.

I could not be more thrilled about this, actually, because I wouldn’t wish these feelings on anyone, let alone the man I love most on this planet. My heart nearly bounces with joy knowing that you’ll never go through an episode like this. Yes, you will have times of pain, of grief, of heartache, of deep sadness. I can’t stop that. I wish I could, but that’s life.

However, I’m happy to know you won’t have to wake up some days and just want to die, even though you were perfectly happy the day before. You won’t sit down on the couch under the weight of a soul crushing sadness that leaks out through your tear ducts and literally not be able to rise up under the weight of it. You won’t lash out for no reason, after spending days feeling terrified of nothing at all, snapping because you can’t take that pain a minute longer.

You won’t lose days of your life without realizing the time has passed. You won’t know what it is to fall to the bottom of an emotional well and not even want to climb out because the light at the top doesn’t seem remotely worth it somehow. You won’t spend hours and days and weeks feeling worthless for no reason and wondering what the point of all of this is, anyway.

You won’t do that. You are as you should be, as I love seeing you. Full of life. Full of joy. You wake up each day ready to take it on. You’re a nonstop ball of energy, a source of light, an Accomplisher of All Things Necessary.  You’re an extrovert, a dad who plays on the floor with the kids, a husband who works sixty hours a week and still finds time to travel and do half the housework.

I’m in awe of you. Continue reading →

13 Not-So-Obvious Things My Husband Does That Make Our Marriage Amazing

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Ok, so I’m going to totally brag for a second. Don’t worry, it’s not about me.

See, I have an awesome husband. I’m one of those women that other women are always pulling aside and saying stuff like, “Steve is SUCH a great guy! You’re so lucky!” and “If only we all had a Steve.”  Dudes are constantly joking, “Tell him to stop! He’s making the rest of us look bad!” Seriously. Nonstop.

What is it about him that inspires such sentiments? Well, it’s pretty simple. Steve is just a really great guy, all around. Great boss, great dad, great husband. Nay- amazing husband. He’s fun, easy to talk to, kind, thoughtful, generous, funny, smart, and a great listener. My sister once described him as “the most instantly welcoming person I’ve ever met.”

It’s all true. I’m a lucky girl. But really, that generic stuff only scratches the surface. I’d like to take a moment to share with you a few of the things Steve does, all the time, that take our marriage from “pretty good” to so great that women are always commenting on our social media with “#relationshipgoals” and “Does Steve have a single brother? Or have we figured out cloning technology yet….?” Continue reading →