A Good Cause & A Sad Fact

https://www.gofundme.com/bretts-treatment-fund

So, I don’t know the above people. I clicked on the link because a good Facebook friend shared it, and I usually find myself caring about causes dear to my friends’ hearts.

Normally I simply donate what I can, click to share on Twitter, and move on with my day.

Today, a line from this page hit me so hard, and I had to write about it for a minute.

This campaign is to help a woman struggling with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder, who recently had a situation requiring serious hospitalization and needs help. Of course, she has to fight and beg and plead with her insurance to help cover the cost of this treatment, because health insurance has a long way to go in the treatment of mental illnesses. Which is a whole separate blog post in itself. (Sigh.)

But this is the line that stabbed me in the heart:

“Brett’s very nervous for a lot of reasons–not the least of all because depression can make you believe you don’t deserve help.” Continue reading

Can We Please Talk About Depression?

depression-sign

Part of what makes The Crazy Actor- me- so “crazy” is that I’ve been dealing with depression my entire life.

When I was 21, I was officially diagnosed with MDD- Major Depressive Disorder, or simply, depression. It was an incredibly freeing moment for me, to put a label on these dark, terrible periods I had been experiencing since I could remember. I was already fairly certain I had it, as it runs in my family, and I had all the symptoms, but still. There is something about the world acknowledging it isn’t just YOU, it’s an actual disorder, that is quite a relief.

As a teenager, my depressed moods were tied up with fluctuating hormones and an incredibly chaotic home life. I was dealing with issues with my mother, I had 5 younger siblings to worry about, an alcoholic father, and was trying to somehow live a (relatively) normal teenage life. I threw myself into achieving- getting straight As, working multiple jobs, and always involved in a million things at school. I also distracted myself with dramatic relationships- I was totally “boy crazy.”

Since I didn’t stop to take care of myself at ALL, my depressed periods would become very dark. More than once I thought of suicide. I planned it out and wrote long goodbye letters. I felt that my pain would never end, and I really, desperately wanted it to. I felt alone, abandoned, miserable, misunderstood, stuck on the outside of things. I felt like a failure, like a fraud, like a burden. I felt terrified and lost. Completely without hope. Continue reading