I’m home. I’m HOME! I’m so happy to be back, I can’t even begin to tell you. My heart is here in LA…. and now the rest of me is, too.

I watched La La Land (finally!) on the plane ride here. My husband and I watched it together, and we were equally teary by the end. I’m not a particularly critical person- I like to like things for what they are, not tear them apart for what I want them to be, generally- but I above and beyond loved that film. Obsessed. Amazed.

That lighting is the reason we all moved here. Magic.

A love letter to the city I love? An offering of hope and joy to the “ones who dream”? A story of artistic soul mates without a cheesy romanticized ending, where they learn some crap like “love matters more than everything you ever wanted”? 

Yes, please.

I’ve been here less than a week, and I’ll tell you, I’m exhausted. Some things of note:

• God, the Beverly Center is a fucking disaster right now, no? I’ve never been more depressed in a mall. Buying Chanel. I didn’t realize that was possible. It’s like a weird construction ghost town with zero food options. Ok, there’s a Wetzel’s Pretzels. THAT they decided to keep. Just a head’s up- be careful if you go. You might fall down an elevator shaft or….have to go to Corner Bakery for lunch. (I know.)
• Oh, the traffic. I share Mia’s sentiment- I also did not miss “this.” I’ve been late for three things already. One so late, I missed it all together! It wasn’t a total loss, I went shopping….but that didn’t completely cheer me up, because, well…see above. It’s a little adjustment, but I will reiterate a tip I constantly share with those about to move to LA- LOVE your car. You will spend more time with it than you do with your best friend, spouse, or, possibly, bed.
• Speaking of cars- there is an electric one in my drive! I’m now officially required by law to do all my shopping at Whole Foods. I have to admit I love it so, so much…but there is also a range extender involved. Baby steps.
• I got to see some great live comedy at The Federal Bar Wednesday night. If you’ve ever been to LA…or anywhere with stand up comedy… you know that the terms “great” and “live comedy” don’t always follow each other. My friend Laura Hartley did her first show as a headliner, and she totally kicked ass, guys. Look her up, and her comedy duo GinBlo on Whohaha.com. Seriously, spend some time on that site, if you love supporting women in comedy, it’s brilliant! God bless Elizabeth Banks for supporting funny ladies. (And yes, men, we CAN BE FUNNY!)
• Pitfire’s field mushroom pizza is better than I remember. And their pitcher of sangria is a steal… if you’re like me, and like to pretend you’re drinking something healthy while you get a little tipsy because, hey, there’s fruit in there.
• Speaking of NoHo, El Tejano is growing on me a little. Yeah, I miss Bow & Truss, and their platters of cheese, but once I saw their former chef on Top Chef and what an asshat he was, the spell was a bit broken, I suppose. El Tejano, in spite of usually being out of chips and making you go to the bar to order everything….well, they have Mexican style tater tots. And sometimes….that’s enough.
• Did a little agent showcase, which confirmed something I already knew. The whole “line up and let us judge whether we are interested in you or not based on two minutes of interaction” meat market deal is soul crushing and not for me. Good for some! Made me feel a little dead inside. New policy- say “yes” to things that make me feel awesome! And “no” to things that make me feel a little dead inside. Yeah…that seems sensible, when I see it typed out like that….

Oh! I will share this great tip I got about submitting for agents, though! Now, I know I’m a sarcastic dick sometimes, but this is a real tip that made me sit up and listen. I might be obvious to some of you savvy actors out there already, but I never thought about it before!

This brings us to……

Sabrina’s Big Acting Tip She Learned This Week and Wants to Share!!!!!

When you submit to an agent, friends, do it during business hours! I don’t care if you’re a night owl who gets super motivated at 2 am and that’s when you have time to get it done. Don’t!

Here’s the part I never thought about: agents have smartphones…you know, like the rest of the planet, I guess. (Yeah, I should have figured this out earlier….) I always pictured them coming to the office first thing in the morning, ready for a bright new day, setting down their latte, opening up their email, and- oh! Lo and behold! A submission from a beautiful bright new star who took time to troll my Twitter and learn an interesting personal fact about me! Let’s give her a call right away, before the day starts to get crazy! She’s so savvy!

But noooooo. They get that crap on their phones late at night, at home, when they want nothing less in the world than to think about work! They aren’t going to file that sucker away and set a reminder to look at it tomorrow at 1pm! Bye! That email is falling into the abyss of emails never to bother with again. Or, worse, the trash. Saves them the trouble of trashing it later, after all.

Now, this won’t apply to every single agent, but why take the risk? Submit during business hours. Save yourself the skip over.

You’re welcome, shining star. ❤

Auditioning for Groundlings tomorrow, and excited to jump back into improv. Hopefully I’ll have some ridiculous shows for you to come see soon if you’re in my area! Comedy seems to be my mothership, and I just keep coming right back home.

After all, if you can’t laugh in this crazy city, you will lose your mind. Likely inside your car. On the 405.

And nobody has time to merge into the remaining lanes around you while you have a mental breakdown. We are already late. Very, very late.